Saying Goodbye

It’s crazy how some things can change so fast.  Just over 6 months after creating this blog, I faced the biggest fear and nightmare any pet owner can have; the loss of their beloved pet.

A few weeks back, Nala suddenly stopped eating and lost a lot of weight, which is extremely dangerous for a diabetic.  I took her into the emergency vet and had them examine her and run bloodwork.  It was discovered that she was suffering from DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis), which is an accumulation of acid in her blood.  Also, her kidneys were causing complications and basically, her body was shutting down.  She was suffering and could barely hold her own head up.  As the vet explained all this to me, and what it meant, I went numb.  I knew her luck had run out.

There were more in-depth diagnostic procedures and treatments that could’ve been done but the most that would do is buy her a month or two.  It would not be fair to Nala.  Otherwise, she would not make it through the night.  I had to make the most difficult decision of my life.

They brought her out to me in the little room with privacy, and I immediately snuggled her into me.  She could barely move and the sight of it was heartbreaking.  I spent about half an hour holding her, comforting her and telling her what an awesome cat she was.  I thanked her for all the things she taught me, and told her that now it was time to rest.  I told her to say hi to Ladybug, mom’s cat who passed away just 6.5 months earlier.  Then the vet came in to check on us and I told her it was time.  She was a great vet who understood the bond I had with Nala, and she was genuinely sympathetic.  She said her goodbyes as well, and proceeded with administering the solution that would bring her peace.

I kept her close to me the whole time, crying into her fur and whispering “I love you” over and over.  The whole thing was surprisingly calm and peaceful; she didn’t struggle or cry out.  She just went to sleep.  Within 10 seconds, she was gone, and my heart was ripped out.  The vet left me alone to grieve.  I don’t think I’ve ever cried that hard before.  Her poor little body let out 2 last gasps of air and that was it.

Three weeks later, I still can’t believe she’s gone, even though I’ve gotten her ashes back and there’s no sign of her anywhere at home.  Maybe I’m still in denial, or I’m just not allowing myself to feel the full power of my grief because I know it will make me shut down completely for days, and I just can’t afford to do that right now.

All I can do is try to move on, keeping all our cherished memories locked away in my heart until the day I can be with her again.  I’m not really a religious person, but I really do hope there is such a thing as heaven for animals, at least.  That Rainbow Bridge poem makes me cry like a baby, as do certain songs and seeing her old cat bed.  Once I’m ready, I will adopt another cat; I love them too much to not do so.

But Nala is, and always will be, my forever cat.  Rest in peace, baby girl. ❤

Nala 1998 - 2015

Nala
1998 – 2015

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